Anna listened to the closing credits of another episode of “Patriot Act”, the screen went white and the Netflix logo beamed on the screen. She shut her laptop and sadness overwhelmed her. She sat up from the couch and with a heavy sigh lifted her laptop and walked to her bedroom, her head hung. She slumped on to her bed and tossed the laptop to the side landing silently in her bedside drawer on top of a pile of socks and mittens she always had nearby.

She looked at her closet and sighed holding a gaze, her mind spinning.

 Am I good looking enough?

Is there any raw rice, I need to have that crunchy sensation…But I am full, why do I need to eat that now?

Should I give Matt a call? It’s been a lifetime, not really, about 6 months since I severed our 12-year friendship. He’ll know what it’s for anyway, that’s what he was good for…

I don’t have the energy to work, I can’t afford to be depressed

People have always treated me like shit…

It was a cocktail of thoughts all swirling around Anna’s mind. Each thought interjecting another, not leaving room for anything to simmer long enough for a solution. Anna looked at her towel and went to the shower wondering what to do. As the shower steamed up and the pitter-patter of the water hit her face, her palms pressed against the wall of the shower, Anna let out a blood-curdling scream.

Her life suffocated her, in the last four months she had been retrenched from her job, her dog had died from cancer and she had just realized that all the people she called her friends had been using her. Warm and fuzzy, Anna stepped out of the shower and walked to her room leaving a trail of water, on the corridor floor, from her dripping nude body.

She grabbed her towel and patted herself dry, her eyes beginning to well up as she reached for the baby powder to dust her thighs. The friction between her thighs had become too much. A few days earlier she decided to walk out of the house for the first time in 2 months. She walked to the mall, 15 minutes away and back, her thighs were raw. She had gained 15 kilos in 2 months.

But as she dusted her thighs with baby powder, she looked at the floor and saw the scale. She knew she had to do something, she had to stop eating. She sighed and the tears rolled down her face, her nostrils got a bit tingly as snot began to drip out, drenching her bare breasts as she stood by her bed wondering how she let herself get this heavy…again!

Anna reached for the box of tissues on top of her bedside cabinet staring into space, her mind silent. She turned off the lights, crawled into bed, and reached for her phone and scrolled to her music folder and clicked on what was now her nightly lullaby, the “melancholic” playlist. The sound of a weepy violin pierced through her room. Anna closed her eyes pulled the duvet over her and closed her eyes, her mind jolting to one single thought.

I wish I don’t wake up tomorrow.