Felista: “Don’t –Don’t – DON’T Look! Ok! Ok! There she goes, so you remember the story I told you yesterday right?
Amanda: I can’t ….Felista quickly cuts her off.
Felista: YOU CAN”T REMEMBER? GOSH! Now I have to start it all over again.(Sighs) Now, where do I begin, so there we were, it was a really cold morning. You know the mornings that are so cold your clothes feel wet. Yeah! It was that cold. Felista nods her head violently to emphasise her point.
Felista: So we are busy freezing our butts off and she, yeah, that chic whose passed by gets out of a Range Sport. How now? Not as a passenger my friend. Haiya! She was the driver. So we stood there wondering what was going on. What was even weirder, she had a checked maid uniform on, it was, like checked maroon or something with a headscarf. So us guys are standing there…you know me and the other new chic, yeah! US! Thinking Ala? It’s how? How is it that when she shows up on other days she looks like she tripped out of a Hip Hop music video; heels till her chin, spray on outfits, lips so red she looks like she joined some Morans in slaughtering a cow and drinking the blood. She looks hoochie. Then now when she doesn’t look hoochie, she emerges from a hoochie’s lover’s toy in a maid’s uniform. That was the first day I realised she really has short and destroyed hair. All those weaves she wore looking like she robbed horses of their birthright.
Amanda rolls her eyes and gestures to pick up a call.
Felista looking a bit guilty: Ok. I am quiet. Is she gone?
Amanda presses her index finger against her lips at Felista
Felista: Ok. So – don’t shoosh me. I can whisper she won’t hear me.
Amada: you are so damn loud. Can’t you keep it down, or maybe just work for a few minutes, everybody hears all the trash you say, it is exhausting!
Felista: Well it’s not my fault that the whole office is eavesdropping, is it? They should learn to mind their own business.
A phone rings incessantly, Felista look around her and barks out.
Felista: Derek answer the phone! Sheesh. So where was I? Yeah! Yeah! I know I am meant to answer calls but there are like 50 other people here to answer phones. I am employed to entertain you all.
Amanda rolls her eyes and answers another call.
Felista: So where was I?
Jeremy mumbles something to Felista.
Felista: Thanks, Jeremy, right, so hoochie Mama over there.
Jeremy smacks Felistas’ hand now gesturing toward Suzanne; one of their workmates in an adjacent cubicle.
Felista: Fine, I won’t point. ..Was busy leading a double life! Hoochie maid, but that still doesn’t answer why she was allowed to drive the boss’ car. Maybe call centre work is her way to get out of college to become a professional maid.
Jeremy, Amanda and other workmates stand up and leave; some groaning in disapproval others rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at the absurdity of Felista’s tall tales.
Felista: Yeah? Come on! Where are you going?
Suzanne yells from across the room: YOU LIAR!!
Felista: No I didn’t – well – I – may – have- didn’t –FINE! I made it all up. Look! How are we meant to survive this hell hole of telesales? We make a living pretending to be different people and conning people to purchase products they don’t even need. Why can’t I make up an office rumour and ruin someone’s life? I am tired of being Molly from East London and Candice from Seattle, Why Candice? It’s like a stripper’s name.
Andy sarcastically corrects her: You mean Candy?
Felista sounds a bit embarrassed: Oh! Candy is the stripper name. Oh! My bad Candice! Oops!
The boss walks in demanding to know why Felista hasn’t been answering or making calls all morning.
Felista: No. No. I was just looking to see if we have an online catalogue connected to Facebook.
Jerry: This is the last straw Felista, the next conversation will be your dismissal if you keep this up!
Felista dismissively retorts: I promise not to do it again, yeah I know strike two. I will get back to work now.
Felist rolls her eyes and whispers under her breath: Phew! Hag!”